Sunday, May 6
@5:42 PM
I really cant get the whole incident out of my head.
Its on my mind 24/7. Whether I'm preparing for work, in briefing room, onboard, pax boarding, meal service, landing and even after landing duties. The whole incident seems to have "auto-played".
I wish, I really wish I could save her. I really wish that the CPR could help her. I wish I had acted faster. I wish the doc came earlier.
Why? why must such a thing happen to me? She was all alive and happy talking to me. She was eating the fruits I offered to her. She was right there, just right there infront of me alive and all.
She was such a nice old lady. She was waiting to go home to her grandchildren. To play with them, to carry them. She got a nice family, big house and on top of all, her sons were filial. They were a happy family.
Why? Why did God take her away? She was only 1 hour away from home. You could have gave her an hour more, perhaps she could make it in time to hospital? Perhaps she might be alive? Her birthday was approaching. Why couldn't you gave her more time? Why must you let her leave this way?? Of all places, why onboard?
We tried our best, but was our best really enough? Could we have done better? The whole incident kept replaying in my mind...
From the moment she boarded the plane when I held her hands, to the words she said, the way she look when she sleeps, how she ate the fruits, how weak and dizzy she look from that fatal moment, how i feed her honey water, massage her arms, gave her oxygen till the moment she breathe her last. I was there, the only one there with her son, just right infront of her! Before I know it, she was already on the ground, with the first aider performing CPR on her. I can stil remember very clearly the look on her son's face. Worried yet have full trust in us that we could revive her.
Im sorry, Im really really sorry. We failed, she left even before we could do anything. I remembered the look on her face so so clearly. She was motionless. Chest wasn't rising and face was as white as sheets. But we refused to give up and tried everything we could until the very last minute.
My prayers wasn't answered. Tears were flowing but I know I have to cool myself down to prepare for the worst. I have to break the news to her son.
She's gone, she had left us for a much better place. I'm sorry.
I left and went to my seat. I walked past her body and felt helpless or should I say useless???
Why? Why of all flights, all people, ME?
When the plane landed, I called my mum and wept uncontrollably. I couldn't understand, I couldn't understand how all these happen within such a short period of time. 3 mins ago she was alright, coming out from toilet and all, 3 mins later and she's gone.
I really empathise the son and all I did was went forward to the son and held his hands, told him that his mum would want him to be strong for her sake and that she's finally back home.
That was all I'm capable of doing. For the next 1.5hrs, statements were took, hugs were exchanged and I did everything I could to make her son feel better.
2days had passed and I still couldn't forget the look on her face when her body was being carried out. Its imprinted in my head.
I went to her wake yest to pay my last respects. I hope she rest in peace.
I'm sorry mdm, I'm really really sorry. I wish I could save your life...
