Monday, December 27
@2:54 PM
She has a friend... Whom she was "supposed" to know way back in May 04 at somewhere..
A girl came up to her on behalf of him and asked for her no.
But being the usual her, she politely rejected by saying she was attached and wasn't interested in such "games".
But eventually she got her email add and thus added her in friendster..
Days later.. He msged her on friendster.. politely asked whether it was alright of him to add her as his friend and its ok if she dun feel comfortable abt it.
She accepted.
She even replied that she rems his name. He was shocked.
But he clearly rem the night when she smiles at him and was so near to him.. They might even had brushed shoulders.. The girl had no idea.. maybe the guy does..
The night ended peacefully..
The next day.. the girl forgets everything and welcome each day with a new start and a new smile..
Weeks passes... Months passed..
People come and go.. So quickly that even before she could grab hold of the memories.. It disappeared.. Into thin air..
She was depressed.. sad.. lost and upset..
Nothing.. absolutely nothing she could do..
Until a week ago..on Dec 14 04, he gathered the courage to msged her agian on friendster..
This time asking for her msn add..
She agreed again.. even though she had not the slightest idea why she agreed.. But it was a decision that she will never regret..
They started chatting on msn..
From a normal conversation that lasted an hour long.. to as long as 5, 6 hours a day.. with her sacrificing her sleep just to talk to him and him rushing back home just to catch her online..
It seems weird to the both of them.. But they simply continued doing it..
Even though they barely know each or had not even met before.. She already had an influence over him..
She wished to convince him that the things he had been doing all along are wrong.. But she does not wanna change him.. but to
convince him.. to change himself willingly.. not for the sake of her.. but for the sake of himself..
He make a promise.. and the gal remembers the promise..
She heard many things abt him.. Almost everything are bad..
Being thru a hard time herself.. she finds it hard to believe man..
But for his sake.. She made a personal bet..
That he is not what many perceive him to be.. That he can be a great man.. A successful man.. A matured man with his playful sides. A sentimental man. A decisive man.
She dun wish to lose.. to lose to her evil side.. She will be shattered if she lose.. She hates losing.
They met for the 1st time.. And the clearest thing she could remember was him smiling at her..
She rems telling him that she loves his smile..
And he says that he smile bcuz of her.. bcuz seeing her makes him smile..
She was glad that she has the ability to make him smile..
They made a deal.. a special deal..
Seconds passed.. Minutes passed.. Days passed... Weeks passed..
There are many things which she wishes to tell him..
But....
He's complicated.. She's complicated..
Both sides are unsure of what they want..
Both sides had their problems..
But the biggest obstacle lies with the guy..
He had to leave.. Leave for a brighter future.. A comfortable life.
A decision made months earlier. That no one could change.
It was hard.. For both..
The guy is unsure of who he wants..
The girl is unsure of what she can have..
She cant choose.. She has no right to choose.. Only to wait.. To wait for everything..
The only thing she hope is not to get hurt.. again.. Not anymore...
She had enough.. Enough of guys saying the
3 words to her.. but not being able to do anything..
Time spent together with him are happy.. She doesn't know what lies ahead..
She prays for happiness.. and not to fall for him.. If only she can control..
But she cant help but to prepare for the worst..
And the worst is to get hurt again..
The guy promised that he will not be the one hurting her..
But even if she gonna be hurt again..
She had no regrets.. No regrets to this guy hurting her.
However, despite various attempts to protect herself.. she failed. not once but twice and maybe thrice soon..
Friends chide her.. shake their heads..
But she was helpless.. and walked right into the traps..
Even though how hurt she was.. She nv regretted stepping into these traps..
"It takes 2 hands to clap..." She always says..
She blamed no one.. and cherished everyone..
The only one she could blame was herself..
If only.. If only.. She keep telling herself...
But she clearly knows time will never stop for a gal like her..
She could only continue walking.. Till the day she's tired.. She willl rest and put a stop..
And the day is drawing near.. she told herself..
Its time to put a stop to everything..
To pain.. to sorrow.. to unhappiness..
A simple life is all she need..
She had enough of dramatic love stories.. thunderbolting love stories..
More than enough that could be written into a 1000 page novel..
It was never exciting to her.. Never.. Never..
A simple life is all she asked for..
A simple life is all she wished for..
A simple life is all she begged for..
